I don't know how it happened. It was never my intention to hang around gay men or to spend most of my free time in the Castro at the gay clubs. Some how over time, an image built around me and people began to ask questions like, "Are all of your friends gay?", "Is it true that the gays [insert favorite gay myth here]?" or "Why do you like gay men so much?" Apparently I'm a fag hag via the general census's proclamation.
Wait, allow me to begin earlier. Before I moved to California a few years ago, I didn't have much interaction in the gay community. As a daughter of conservative immigrants some where in the magical land of the Bible Belt, it was kind of hard to. I did have one gay friend in high school, however. I guess he was to set the precedent on my relationships with gay men. For a while we were inseparable, he would drive me home after school and I would let him use my locker. We volunteered at the local nursing home and he even was my first homecoming dance date. He came out senior year, but he stopped hanging out with me like before (and I don't know why.) We parted ways as we graduated and went to separate colleges. And for a while I was oblivious to the gays, but that all changed when I struck out on my own to California.
Contrary to what it sounds like, I only have a few gay friends. Granted, they are some of my closest bosom buddies and we do spend much time together. It all started out innocently enough, we were all in graduate school of sorts and therefore, were going to spend a lot of time together. As with the rest of my classmates, we all stated out by exchanging pleasantries and the excitement on starting a new chapter in our lives. I liked all of my classmates, but the ones I liked the best were a couple of gay ones. They were agreeable, funny and most importantly, smart as hell! We began studying together and naturally, we wanted to spend our free time together also. The Castro seemed like the most obvious choice, considering that our little group consisted of gay men plus myself (3 guys and me! Like the Black Eye Peas, but we definitively more attractive). But I didn't mind the decision, the Castro sounded fun and mysterious. It was a new experience!
Partying at the Castro was the start. It was my introduction into the complex world of the gay culture. Almost every weekend we went out and I would learn something new; things that they don't show on Sex in the City or Will and Grace. Things like, the hierarchy of drag queens, the subsets of gay men (bears, cubs, twinks, etc), and even different gay sex positions! (Some clubs were fond of playing gay porn! Oh my eyes!) I witness that some stereotypes about gay men aren't true and some that were. I learned that gay men are still men, and therefore they will only talk to you so they can get to your hot friend (Argh!). I got to hear about many different issues and concerns affecting the LGBT community. Even with all my knowledge and experiences, I still don't know much.
I just didn't party with the gays, I became more involved in the community. I went to LGBT health forms (Health is in my field of interest) and even protested against Prop 8. Well, maybe I'm not SUPER involved, but I like to think I have my foot in. I didn't make the gays my life, but they are an important part. Which goes back to the definition up at the top, if urban dictionary had any creditability then I guess I would be a fag hag. I do admit I spend a lot of time with gay men... No scratch that, my gay FRIENDS. I really only hang out with my friends. I love my friends, regardless of their sexual orientation. I have a few friends, but the ones I have are very dear to me. I will go out of my way to please and take care of them. I go partying in the Castro because my friends want to go. The main reason I do anything in the gay community is because its important to my friends (I didn't say it was the only reason!). Now does that mean my gay friends are my only closest friends? No. In fact, my best friend is a straight girl like me. My point is that I don't socialize with gay men solely for the sake of being surrounded by gay men (I'm trying to imagine that right now, and all I got was a big Bollywood gay musical!).
|"Snake Dance with me Gays! Snake Dance! Blow into that phallic looking instrument! "|
So did I get labeled as "fag hag" because I seem to hang around gay men a lot? Like gay men, fag hags have a lot of stereotypes and myths attached to them. While some myths might be true for some, some myths can be false. I never sat down to see if all of these stereotypes apply to me. My goal for this blog is to take each stereotype or myth about the illustrious fag hag and see if it's applicable to me. It was never my intention to become a fag hag (or be labeled as one), but now I will write and reflect on whether or not I deserve such a title, even by accident.